EH! Stop Speaking To Me Like That!

I was in Canada last week. I love the Canadians. They are warm and friendly.

I entered the border crossing plaza and handed the officer my passport. He asked me a few questions about why I was there, checked out the temporary registration on my vehicle, and welcomed me to Canada.

Now let's talk about the return to my own country! I entered the border crossing plaza and handed the officer my passport. I was interrogated - for what seemed like an hour (okay it was ten minutes); as if I was some sort of a criminal.

What am I transporting in the car?
My clothes and a laptop.

Am I carrying firearms?
No.

Am I carrying ammunition?
No.

Did anyone give me firearms?
No.

Where is my license plate?
Just registered the car; it has a temporary plate.

Why?
It was purchased out of state.

Am I carrying drugs?
What!!!? No.

Where am I going?
Home to CT

Am I driving all the way through?
No planning on finding a place to sleep soon.

Where did I stop tonight?
To take a leak. (I was started getting to get – no pun intended – pissed at this guy)

Where?
Some travel plaza about an hour back

Go ahead! (he hands me back my documents)
Thanks for doing such a thorough job. (I think he wanted to arrest me with that comment)

The whole time I was having flashbacks of when mom was trying to catch me in a lie; or when the boss called me into an office to talk to my work. Okay it's 11:00 at night and a guy with a propeller on his head in a car with a temporary registration is crossing the border. I guess that screams trouble???

But I found it odd how welcoming the Canadian Officer was and how abrasive my fellow American acted towards me. It was like good cop-bad cop or good boss-bad boss.

But then again, maybe his supervisor was watching? Maybe he had a fight with his wife/partner that night? Maybe he had a headache? Maybe he was doing his job? Maybe he was having fun and gets his kicks being abrasive? Maybe this type of stuff shouldn't bother us? Maybe he had other motivations?

Maybe we should all look at the tone we use to communicate with one another?

Did I say I love the Canadians?

No, Ifs, Ands, The Problem Is or Butts

The Nebraska Recreation and Park Association took a Recess the other day – a fun and humorous Recess from the way too many people and organizations think.

The purpose of my Recess: It’s Not Just For Kids presentation was to overcome challenges and identify new programming opportunities for Recreation and Park Services. During our time together there was one rule……….They were not allowed to use the words But, The Problem Is, You Don’t Understand, That Won’t Work, or anything similar.

Based on the feedback I received afterwards they had a heck of a lot of fun and appeared motivated to leave their conference and explore new programming opportunities.

Well that evening the tables were turned when I joined them for the Pub Crawl. I was put in a position where I was not allowed to say But, however they got the opportunity to play with my BUTT!

Things got a little crazy at Wanda’s Bar in Hastings, NE and a game of Butt Darts commenced. Now if you’re not familiar with this game you give yourself a wedgie (in your pants), stick a quarter in the crack, and then tighten that quarter in your crack. Once you have enjoyed that experience, you position yourself over a glass and the goal is to drop the quarter into the glass.

I was watching the fun. It was quite humorous - especially watching the woman who weighed all of forty pounds and had no butt. All I kept thinking about was what a great humorous story this is going to be for a future presentation.

While I was thinking of material, they started chanting my name. Rich. Rich. Rich.

Now I could have made excuses, BUT………………. We’re not allowed to use those words. And since I’m always willing to try something new…………………………….

Two rounds later, I guess you could call it the "elimination" round, guess whose virgin butt was the NeRPA Butt Darts Champion!

Now if this doesn't motivate you to save a life.....

Attention passengers, is there a doctor or nurse on board?

So much for making that connection. Good thing I have music and a book I commented to the woman next to me.

A doctor moved to the back of the plane. Within 10 minutes we were rapidly descending into Buffalo, NY. Ironically, I will be there Tuesday night. Taxiing at the speed of sound it was like a scene out of one of those Airport or Airplane movies of the 70's and 80's. Northwest Airlines Flight 259 now arriving Gate 8, Gate 9, Gate 10, Gate 23, 24, 25,26. RTO, that one was for you!!!!

The paramedics enter the aircraft. Spend about thirty seconds with the woman and walk her off.

We applaud the doctor.

A short while after the flight attendant comes by and offers the doctor a bottle of wine for stepping in and perhaps saving that woman's life.

I found humor in this. A bottle of wine? In this land of opportunity - meaning let's sue the pants off someone - they offer him a bottle of wine? There's a motivational reward waiting for you!

How about a free ticket to Buffalo?

Humor, Fun, and Motivation Courtesy of Thinking Outside the Box!

You've heard it. I've heard it. I'm sick of hearing it. It's a phrase that is so overused it means absolutely nothing anymore................

Think Outside the Box

Unless of course you're these two; then it has a whole new meaning..................

Have a great weekend; I'm in Nebraska; I'm the opening keynote speaker for the Nebraska Recreation and Park Association.

Guess what type of thinking I won't be talking about? But we will be having fun.

I've got a short motivational keynote and a fun idea for the Federal Reserve.

So yesterday the Federal Reserve bailed out AIG to the tune of $85 billion. Looks like Detroit is next in line to the tune of $45 billion (the number I heard on the news last evening).

Hey Federal Reserve, here is a fun idea...................Do you realize you could bail out over 433,000 families instead of just a few corporations? As a motivational speaker for business and corporations, I like to encourage organizations to change their thinking. So today, I am calling on the Federal Reserve to wake up and spread the bailout in a manner that is fair and equitable.

Here is my idea.............

Let's assume the typical family has $300,000 in debt between mortgage, credit cards, car leases/loans and student debt. If you took that $130 billion and cleared the debt of those people you would have helped over 433,000 people. There would be fun and laughter in the streets.

Now for those of you looking at the humor in all this, please don't; I think this could work; and you don't see McCain or Obama offering suggestions? Heck, $300,000 might even be on the high side. The Federal Reserve could probably bail out 600,000 or 700,000 families; even more fun and laughter. I could see block parties with music coming out of speakers on every corner.

This just seems like the right thing to do; after all once the bailout has occurred, in order to control costs, jobs are just going to go overseas anyway, right?

So if anyone reading this has a direct link to someone up the Food Chain at the Federal Reserve please send them this and tell them I have a fifteen minute keynote prepared just for them!

But in the meantime...............Hey Fed, I'm first in line for my bailout. Anyone want to be number 2? Feel free to hit the comments button below.

But that is how this Motivational Speaker does business!

So I get a call yesterday from a credit card processing company; starting to tell me that my current credit card processor is ripping me off. I decided to have some fun with this woman and here is how the conversation went:

Rich: Do you know who my credit card processor is?

Lady: No, but next year all customers of credit card processing companies will see their fees more than double and we can help you.

Rich: (thinking every one's fees?) So everyone is going to double but you? Listen, if you would like to send me information in the mail I would be more than happy to take a look at it.

Lady: We do not mail information.

Rich: Well I don't make decisions based on phone calls, so you can either mail me something or take me off your call list.

And then I nearly blew a gasket!

Lady: That is not how we do business, but tomorrow a representative will be in your neighborhood....

Rich: (I cut her off) That is not how you do business? (I started laughing) Well guess what, that is not how this Motivational Speaker does business either; and if you would like me as your customer it would be in your best interest to listen to how I do business, rather than tell me how you do business. So thank you for the call, but most importantly thank you for giving me something fun to speak about when I address customer service in my next keynote.

Speaking of learning……I think it should be fun and motivational!

A fun learning experience for me is a hands-on learning experience. I like to do, not just be told what to do. Now I do realize that there are different learning styles, but I’m a hands-on interactive type of guy. Please do not ask me to visit the Guggenheim; I’d rather eat dirt. But a visit to the Liberty Science Center, where I get to press buttons and turn dials is the place for me to learn and have fun. As a speaker I recognize that people like me are sitting in the audience and always include a good chunk of fun motivational interactive pieces that get people excited and encourage them to take action; even when it is a 45 minute keynote. Seriously, who really wants to listen to anyone speak for 45 minutes?

Here’s a quick thought, at your next boring tedious staff meeting toss in a quick ten or fifteen minute interactive/creative piece. See how the tone of the meeting can change. If you need a free idea, get in touch with me, I’ll give you one.

Well enough writing for today, I need to go pack my box of interactive fun and ship it to Nebraska. Sunday I am the opening keynote speaker for the Nebraska Recreation and Park Association. I love Recreation and Park Professionals; they get paid to have fun – even though they forget sometimes!

A Life Answer Provided By The Magic Bullet

Several years ago when I awoke in the middle of the night I bought a Magic Bullet off a 3:00AM infomercial. It's a chopper, grater, blender, and juicer all in one. This machine is being pitched to solve all of your kitchen dilemmas!

Well like anything else we get sucked into buying on television, they make it look so easy. You can make the best salsa with just a flick of the wrist. You can make the easiest chicken salad with just the flick of a wrist. My flick of a wrist usually resulted in Salsa Soup and Chicken Salad Puree!

For years I would sit and watch that infomercial trying to figure out what I was doing wrong. Not being much of a TV watcher I tend to surf through the channels; and anytime I saw that Magic Bullet commercial I stopped. This is going to be the time I figure it out.

Want some Puree? There's a vat of it in my kitchen.

So the other night there it is again.........the Magic Bullet. Once again I am analyzing the scenario. I've got the cup. I'm using the right blade. I'm chopping the pieces into the sizes they seem to be using. I'm flicking my wrist like theirs. Why am I getting Salsa Soup?

Now it's time for the Chicken Salad; into the cup, twist on the blade.

WAIT!!! STOP!!!!!

The Cup! The Cup!

I've been using the big cup (must be the bigger is better mentality in my sub-conscious)! They're using the small cup.

I ran downstairs at 11:00 PM. There were leftover chicken drumsticks in the fridge! Rip them apart. Drop them in the small cup. Put in some mayo. Flick. Flick.

CHICKEN SALAD!!!!! (a little mushy, but not puree!)

The answer was right in front of me the whole time; I was just looking in the wrong place; at the wrong pieces.

What answers are you looking for in the wrong place? What answers are right in front of you, but your focus is somewhere else? Maybe the real value of the Magic Bullet is to teach us how to solve life dilemmas by looking for the right pieces?

Northwest: The Crappy Airline

Now before the lawyers start suing me for libel and slander for labeling Northwest a crappy airline (because let's face it, we've all had crappy airline experiences); this has nothing to do with crappy service, it really has to do with crap!

While waiting for a recent Northwest flight there was a couple with their dog in the gate area. It was not a service dog, but small enough to fit in a piece of luggage that fit under the seat-back in front of them. It seems that dogs are allowed on the plane if they fit in a carry-on. I went over to meet the dog. Cute.

While in flight a sudden odor shot through the cabin. That odor came from the seat right behind me. Please refer to the title of this blog post. Yes, the dog took a crap. Well as quick as that odor came, it went. I guess the owners have done this before and were prepared. People were wild. I found it hilarious. I saw two options; get crazed over a situation of which I had no control or laugh at those who were getting crazed.

The other day a cute little baby was in the terminal. We boarded the plane. Guess where the baby was seated? While in flight a sudden odor shot through the cabin. That odor came from the seat right behind me. Please refer to the title of this blog post. Yes, the baby took a crap. Well as quick as that odor came, it went. I guess the "owners" have done this before and were prepared. Three older women seated nearby went wild. I found it hilarious. I saw two options; get crazed over a situation of which I had no control or laugh at those who were getting crazed.

Too often we are bothered with what we cannot change, versus focusing on what we can change - our attitude. So let's all get rid of the crappy attitudes and leave the crapping to babies and dogs.

Vote for me!

My friend Sherry and I are ready to serve our country! Will you help us?

Watch this video and see how you can help:

http://www.inews3.com/topstory.php?id=526963682044694769726f6c616d6f20267c536865727279204b696e67

How To Know You're PowerPoint Obsessed

Disclaimer: I am not a fan of PowerPoint, mainly because I feel my intelligence is being insulted when someone stands up and reads a presentation to me because they are either unprepared or need a crutch. I want to be engaged and involved in a presentation, not bored out of my mind.
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So with that disclaimer, today I sat in on a meeting with a woman who has her son's activity schedule on a PowerPoint slide. No really; I'm not fibbing. She showed it to me..............With Pride! She has the next three months all done................color coded and everything. I wonder if there is a slide show throughout the house?

I'm thinking this person is also a Crackberry Addict!

The Best Paperboy in the Whole World

Readers of my newsletter were introduced to a boy named Chris back in July. You will want to take a moment to refresh yourself with his story before continuing. Click here to read Chris' story.

So Sunday morning I pull up to my favorite coffee shop on Cape Cod and there is Chris. He remembers my name, where I was from and says he was hoping he was going to see me.

Seems that the summer was good. He is up to 45 papers per day and was able to buy a laptop with his summer earnings. Seems that offering folks reading with their coffee and telling them what was in the paper paid off handsomely for Chris and The Cape Cod Times.

But here was the best part. I offered to buy him something to drink. He declined; someone inside was buying him something.

A couple comes out of the coffee shop. He buys the newspaper from Chris; she hands him his smoothie.

"Not bad" I said. "They're buying the paper from you and they're buying you drinks."

"He is the best paperboy in the whole world" the woman tells me. "Have you heard his spiel."

I just chuckled and said "Yeah, I'm kinda familiar with it. I was there when he came up with it."

Chris looked at me with a silly red face. It was priceless.